If you have storm clouds on your horizon, it’s time to reveal the psychological umbrella and know how to get through hard times.
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Life is a strip of white, a strip of black, and hard times comes to everyone sooner or later. If now it’s your turn to overcome the obstacle course and lean under the pressure of circumstances, use simple psychological rules that will make the passing of a life test for strength much easier and more fun.
Keep a positive attitude
Life lends us exactly what we are concentrating on at the moment. Pregnant women look around and are amazed at how many divorced pregnant women are there. Dreamer of the car of a particular brand begins to see these cars on the streets day after day.
Of course it’s just our brain, focused on something, filters the surrounding reality and lights the signal lamp: “Look, see, pay attention!” – when it sees an object corresponding to the subject of its reflections. Psychologists call it the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon.
The conclusion is simple. The more bad you expect, the more you will get.
It will go literally from all the cracks, deeper depressing you. And vice versa: thinking about the good, believing in the best, you change the settings of your own brain – and in the focus of your attention it turns out that it is good. Let the optimistic mood and not solve all your problems, but the world around will become much lighter.
Make lemonade from lemonade
It sounds like a worn-out record, but nevertheless this approach often works. Yes, there are situations in which we really can not change anything. However, there are others, when it’s enough to take a step back or to the side to look at the problem with fresh eyes, connect a little creative – and voila, an elegant and profitable solution will be found. And not where you originally expected. A classic example of this approach is the story of William Wrigley – a man and chewing gum.
In the 90s of the XIX century, the company created by him unsuccessfully tried to enter the market, selling household trivia – soap and baking powder. Things went very well, and in order to at least stand out against the competition, Wrigley came up with a cheap pile of chewing gum for every pack of baking powder.
Alas, the company continued to work at zero, and even at a loss, the clouds over the business condensed, and Wrigley was ready to accept that the businessman would not come out of it. However, at some point an unsuccessful entrepreneur noticed that people sometimes buy baking powder for future use only in order to get a package of chewing gum along with it. Archimedes would have in his place exclaimed: “Eureka!”
Wrigley also confined himself to the fact that he completely reoriented the business to the production and sale of chewing gum, which before it was not considered to be any promising product. The whole world chews up the result of this creative and the success that followed it (literally) to this day.
Learn from your mistakes
What exactly drove you into a stalemate? An analysis of all the circumstances can be painful, but extremely useful. Disassemble the events that preceded the worsening of affairs by bones: what went wrong where you made a mistake, what could have happened if you had acted differently … In the end, you will get a fairly clear idea of how you could avoid the black strip. Getting through hard times is much easier if you know that the chances of their repetition tend to zero.
Change what you can change to get through hard times
Calculating the errors and miscalculations that led you to a difficult situation, try to correct them. If something can not be fixed right now, just pay attention to this circumstance, to fix it as soon as possible.
Be grateful to life for the experience you have given, and to those people who surround you. Think about this or that close person: what he or she brings to your life, what teaches you.
Write a letter explaining why you are so grateful to life for having this person in it. Then call him or her and read your creation. The difficulties that you are experiencing at a particular moment will start to seem less significant if you compare them to the real values that are in your life.
Focus on what you can control
Perhaps you have made many unsuccessful attempts to improve the situation. So much that you were wasted and you no longer believe that you are able to change something.
Search for what is still in your power, and focus on this one of the most effective ways to deal with.
Yes, you can’t improve your business globally, but you can brush your teeth? Go and clean. Can you start running in the morning? Run.
The more things in your life that you can control, the sooner you will regain confidence in your abilities. And with it – the will to overcome difficulties.
Praise yourself for the past and the experience
Sometimes we are so focused on the current moment that we don’t look back. Darkness around seems hopeless. However, it is important sometimes to turn around to look how far you’ve traveled, how you’ve changed, what you got and what you left behind. When you see what you have already managed to overcome, the light at the end of the tunnel will become much brighter.
Surround yourself with those who understand you
Surrounding yourself with close people is one of the most important things that you can do when you are at hard times. You need their love, so that you can compare what is happening around you. You need to take care of them to feel important. You need their honesty to hear the truth and advice from those you really trust. It is important for you to understand and accept yourself, not to lose faith in yourself.
If there are no such people near you for some reason, find a community whose members have already passed or pass through what you are now experiencing. From them you will get the necessary support, and experience that will help you to overcome difficulties.
Learn how to forgive and let go
It happens that in difficult times there is a specific culprit. “If it were not him, everything would go according to plan!” – you think, and exhaust yourself with hatred for this person. This reaction is natural, but destructive: you focus on negative experiences, instead of looking for ways out.
Yes, let the person really be guilty, but … You will not be angry with the rain, because of which you get soaked to the thread? Or crave revenge for a gust of wind that broke your umbrella? No, you will do your best to get home as soon as possible and make yourself a hot tea, and then fix an umbrella or buy a new one. So it is here. The culprit is the “element”, which is important to be left behind as quickly as possible, focusing on more significant things.
Don’t blame yourself
Once again, there are hard times for everyone. You’re not bad or something, it’s just a black stripe that is an integral part of life. Of every life. Of course, different people have difficulties in their own way. You got this option. Take it as a test, which is important to pass with honor, and not as proof of how bad you are.
“Even the worst enemy can not hurt you as much as your own unrestrained thoughts.”
Enjoy simple things
One of the hardest tests that hard times have – is to reduce the level of comfort. When you are all right, you can find joy in having dinner in popular restaurants, traveling, hiring a housekeeper to facilitate everyday life, buying expensive things. When things start to go worse, you have to give up a lot, and this causes sadness.
Meanwhile, to enjoy life, sometimes quite simple things. Instead of dinner in the restaurant, find some interesting recipe and prepare an original dish with loved ones. Instead of traveling through Europe, start a habit on Saturdays to get on bicycles and explore the neighborhood. Minimalism is now in vogue. Test it for yourself now. When there will be such a chance once again?
Review values and priorities
Failures give a chance to conduct an audit of life values, which you didn’t even think about on well-fed and quiet days. Look inside yourself, look around: what is really important to you? How much do your dreams, hopes, aspirations correspond to what is really important to you? What can you give up without much stress? The loss of what will tear your heart? Reorganization of priorities is often a decisive step for overcoming the range of failures.
Cultivate patience in yourself
In childhood and adolescence, we sometimes think that you can get everything at once. And only with years comes the understanding that we can’t control time. There are things for which “the hour has not come yet.” The flower does not blossom in February, the baby will not be born immediately after the kiss, a large, reliable house will not be built in a day. If you want something valuable, you’ll have to wait. It is important to understand and accept this.
You can have everything. Just not all at once.
– Oprah Winfrey
Remember: you always have a choice
Although many things in the world can’t be controlled, we can still choose. The choice is in from what point of view we look at these things, how we react to them, what actions we take, how we allow circumstances to determine who we are. Who are you here and now? Choose. Your turn.
Take care of yourself
Many people omit this point, either entangled in self-blame, or sticking up to the tenth sweat, or simply postponing until better times. Meanwhile, to survive in difficult times, you need to take care of yourself. What if tomorrow you are put out of order by overwork or clinical depression?
So please yourself, no matter what.
Coffee at cozy place. A new book. Buying beautiful clothes or accessories – let it be a trifle, but after all it will give you a piece of joy! Allow yourself to sleep. Ourselves – is the most important and most effective support in difficult times. You can’t lose it.
Translation from lifehacker.ru